Thursday, September 21, 2006

Tues - 19/9

aaahh..today is fun...i felt the day was kinda different and wish for a brighter day. First..before reporting to my bus captain..i went to the toilet at kallang theatre there. And when i was walking toward there...hell shit..there was this bunch of policemen smoking..i was alone..then i tot okay lah not so many...and as i walked closer..man..damn it..there are actually a bloody pool bunch of police there sia..more than 12..15 perhaps? cos they smoking there..wah kao..then i have to pass them cos there's no other way..and it just feels like a princess walking down the hallway..harhar..seriouslah..all eyes are at you and you just cant brushed off the awkward feelings..seesh! I made a kinda innocent-serious face..i dunno how it looks like i swear..lol..and you know i had always prefer a squat cubicle instead of a sitting one..so since all the cubicles are sitting ones..i just had to spend more itme in the cubicle..so right about after 10 mins i went out...man..hell shit these men are still there..okay..by now..im cursing cos i gonna be the PRINCESS again...urghh..so want or not.. i had to pass them..so as i passed with that look..some of them said Hello..and i replied with a hello in paiseh-friendly-yet-cant-be-bothered-style. I just breathe a sigh of relief after i passed them. phew! Got the same driver since yest. NO TV!! hopefully same driver tom but diff bus so i can watch the singapore idol...hehe..the policeman practically laughed at me when i asked the driver i have to die die have to watch sg idol final tomorrow..and since the police is off tom..he was just insinuating that he gonna watch it at home..haha..oh the policeman is a malay. those typical malay look..at last for the first time..all either syed, indian or chinese...anyway he's funny i dunno he's married or not or his age cos i dont care but he did found out about my age though..lol. He's entertaining..once upon moving off back to suntec from stadium...while waiting for the bus driver..he asked me if i never bring phone..i said i did but i put silence and he said "alamak i had wanted to take ice-cream for you..and you didnt answer the phone.." haha..how i noe..the first thing i head was the toilet cos i have been helding it for quite sometimes ahahha...then one of the time the bus driver and the police talking about the time everything finish lah..then suddenly my name came into the topic..the police told the driver that of course lah cos my boyfriend waiting already. ahhaha..anyhow say only sia..then when he knew i got a twin...he said so how your boyfriends not confused or something liked that...and i said we no boyfriends only friends..anyhow say only sia...haha..then when we gotta know the bus will be heading a different route and heading off once they change the bus tag..and i no need to follow..i told the police..there goes my ice cream cos he no time to go to his tent to take it..and he gave an aww-grin. heez.


And ohh..i saw farhan VP today...he was searching for me yest..and everytime..he search for me im not there and vice versa..lol..until today.. when i reached i called him..he saw me and finally reached in front of my bus..haha..he looked great in police uniform compared to the one in army. So abg2 gitu..dah takde rambut..haha..and oh SURPRISINGLY...Zid was stationed at suntec too but by the time i start my work he was at marina mandarin already. Loads of police at esplanade due to the welcome reception for the delegates. so all round esplanade was heavily guarded by SOCs, polices...SAF people..damn strict right...haha..


anyway...seems people having fun checkin out the idols..padahal aku tak keje..takde org ajak..tuari pun at studio...solo...i dunno for the fact that since my younger days ive been feeling like this..even no matter how good they are...i will question myself if the friendships will lasts forever? will something happened between us? Because for once i used to think we can never be distanced but we did overtime. because i guess there are things that are eye-opening and made you realize that the world/places/people are actually not really the kind you had been thinking of all along...like sometimes you felt like you have close friends but actually you wonder if you're even part of them cos it seems that sometimes you're missing on lots of things that you should have known as part of them..sometimes people wonder why i kept quiet suddenly..but whats there to say..sometimes people are just engross among themselves they forgot somebody else must have felt left out...so what you do..keep quiet lah. Sometimes, an apology is taken lightly but actually it made a great difference to the other. Things happened, we remembered especially the bad ones cos the bad always create more impact than the good ones..like in sales..customers remember the bad service better than the good ones too right? but as time passed by, we choose not to talk about it and put it behind us but then at times, when it gets too much that people say the things you did in a way that make it seems like they never do it before when in fact they do..and when we tell them that they are not much of a diff..they cant accept it and in denial and instead think we cant accept it..but its not the case but just to make it known that..i may not be perfect and so are you, so why must you focus on my negativities when i choose not to focus on yours? but rather choose to think of your positive sides instead? but what they dont seem to understand that it happened...of course which people wont remember...and when there's times you had no choice but to rake it up because of something..you dont take it as they holding grudges do they? Everybody keep their feelings even if it means a little no matter how outspoken they are. Cos if i seriously hold grudges..all the things i hate you guys did to me i have long revenged but i dont. Bottled up feelings is not unusual. I think everybody does it. I think bottled up feelings isnt like holding grudges but for the fact that you bottled up until it reached its peak and there'll be a time where you had to spill all of them out just to make it known to people how you've been feeling all along Holding grudges..will make you angry and you definitely wanna do something to hurt the other party when there's chance. And when we had no choice but to rake something of the past..its not that we had been holding grudges all the while..we choose to keep quiet about it all along because we dont want to prolong or jeopardise the situation or friendship. So its better if you keep quiet about it right. Tapi frankly lah..sometimes it really hurts..when you think about your friends all the time and you see them like dont bother about you. Obviously you get upset. Sometimes they joked..and they didnt realize their jokes actually offended the other party such as made some people lose their pride...(jatuhkan maruah/air muka org) but yet you just smiled cos you dont want to make the person lose her pride or waterface too by announcing or pointing out openly that she just drop your waterface hence making her look like a bad person..if you get what im trying to say...Sometimes people fail to understand others feelings that they think we want that and that and that when in fact all we wished for is only a tiny portion of this. Seriously...if you realize. you dont get angry or upset easily over somebody you're not close with but instead you easily get upset with the ones you're more closer to cos not that the person dont appreciate all the good things done upon them all awhile but more likely that they are upset that you care for them so much and then you dont actually get the kind of treatment you expect a close friend would give to you. Neglected. Ignored. Wouldnt you feel upset? sorry just feeling like writing my feelings down...

Posted by =Im-tOxI-kaTe-d= at 9/21/2006 11:35:00 PM